I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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