you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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