He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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