So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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