I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
