and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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