Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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