Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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