nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize