My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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