member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
