My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
