I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
