Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
