Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
