it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I want to fling myself into the sun
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
