I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
