i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
