I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
