You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
