yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You were trust falling into bushes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
