I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its liver damage thursday
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
