Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
