Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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