I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
