I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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