i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
