wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
