halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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