haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
