this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize