It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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