Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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