Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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