oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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