next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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