guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
