Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
