Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my shit smells like andre
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
