Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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