I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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