i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
