Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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