tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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