i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
