No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
