it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
