Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
