how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize