On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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