i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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