Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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