I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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