if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
