You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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