"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
