I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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