What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
