it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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