Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
