In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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