Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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