he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
